We're like a lot better than the average bears
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
