and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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