She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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