Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
