I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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