just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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