Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
