You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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