he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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