You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
