Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
