We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
