You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
