piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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