Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
