If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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