I just cut my nipple shaving
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
