Having a random hookup so left but love u
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
