I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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