Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
