My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
