He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And then he peed in my hair
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