i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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