so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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