she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
