Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
