What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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