I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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