If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
