I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
