he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
