i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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