Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
