You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
