ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
