Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
