babies were throwing up all over the place
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
