Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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