just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
