i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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