Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
