he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
