She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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