I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
