You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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