My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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