worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
