I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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