that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
