I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
