dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
