Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
