Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My penis needs a shock collar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
