Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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