Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
