The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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