i dont even know how to be here
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
