Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
