I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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