"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real