I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
