someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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