Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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