Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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