I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
