I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
