his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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