Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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