its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
