I CAN MOONWALK!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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